An open letter to all wives dreaming of becoming mums
"I hope you can find a support system- people who will tell you there's hope, rather than people who keeps on questioning your inability to bear a child..."
Joylyn Guiao-Sigua is dreaming of becoming a mother someday. Despite her struggles, she continues to hold on to her faith. She also wants to inspire women who find themselves in a similar situation, wives who want to become mums but somehow can’t.
In an open letter, Joylyn wrote to all her fellow wives who are longing to begin their motherhood journey.
“Last month, the whole world celebrated Mother’s day. I have seen tons of pictures of children with their parents and lengthy messages which flooded social media. But this post is not a late Mother’s day tribute. This letter is not for mothers, but for wives like me who cannot call themselves ‘mothers’. Women who have been waiting to have their own pregnancy announcement, too,” she begins.
She recalls how she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for the past year.
“I know, (one) year is not long enough compared with the length of time other couples waited. But like them, the pain is the same,” she continues.
In the letter, she recalls how “the thought of being infertile or similar cases did not even cross (her) mind” when she was still single.
Soon after she married her husband Jethro, they started trying to have a baby immediately.
“We did not even consider waiting for a year or two to conceive like what others have advised us to do. We were so excited. But month after month after month nothing happened. I started to ask if there’s something wrong with me or us,” she wrote.
“I may not see you right now, we may not know each other personally, but I share your pain. I feel how is it to become a wife, but not a mother”
“But let me tell you this, I may not see you right now, we may not know each other personally, but I share your pain. I feel how is it to become a wife, but not a mother,” she wrote, addressing women who are struggling to get pregnant.
Joylyn recounted how she got a lot of advice, and even did her research. But none of them, though well meaning, seemed to fully understand her situation, which only wives who want to become moms can relate to.
“We can control most things in our life. The clothes we wear, the food we eat, our job, even the paint of our houses or our lipstick shade. But when it comes to getting pregnant, not everyone understands that not all women get to choose, not all women can control their bodies,” she laments.
“I know you have experienced visiting your gynaecologist with a room full of pregnant women, and you are that 1 of 10 who’s there because you can’t get pregnant. How you wanted to disappear and how you wished you didn’t come. Yes, that’s us,” she writes.
“I know there was a day while you’re scrolling through your Facebook feed only to see someone’s pregnancy announcement. Then you ask when’s your turn…”
She went on to tell other mums how much she understands how painful it is to hope, when on your Facebook feed pregnancy announcements pop up regularly.
“I know there was a day while you’re scrolling through your Facebook feed only to see someone’s pregnancy announcement. Then you ask when’s your turn. I know you tried to feel happy for that mum-to-be who was really excited to tell the world that a little pea will soon pop out,” she wrote.
She went on to reveal how she would often go to the kid’s section of department stores to feel the warmth that comes from holding tiny clothes and shoes. Her heart leapt with joy at the thought of her little one wearing these someday.
She has also kept a long list of baby names and even planned her future baby’s first birthday.
“All these I have experienced, and once in a while I still cry when reminded about the situation,” she continued.
“It’s okay to hope, hope that the next test… will show two lines. But it’s never okay that we stop living life because of this. Let’s not allow them to consume us and take us far from the joy of life’s little things”
Throughout the time she’s tried to become a mum, she rejoiced with those who have conceived successfully. She’s also grieved with those who have lost babies. In the letter, she also confessed how there were times when she questioned the Lord, even though both she and her husband are devout Christians.
“It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel sorry sometimes. It’s okay to hope. Hope that the next test you will have will show two lines. It’s okay to hope that your cravings are associated with pregnancy,” she writes in closing. “But it’s never okay that we stop living life because of this. Let’s not allow them to consume us and take us far from the joy of life’s little things.”
She also went on to encourage other wives who want to become mums to hold on to the Lord’s promises, citing miracle pregnancies in the Bible, like the stories of Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, and Elizabeth.
“I hope you can find a support system – people who will tell you there’s hope, rather than people who keeps on questioning your inability to bear a child,” she wrote in closing. “Know that you are not alone. We are not.”
You can read Joylyn’s Facebook post, which has been shared over 7,000 times, here.
Republished with permission from theAsianParent Singapore