Chemistry v. Compatibility: Which should you value over the other?
Chemistry in relationships is simply what happens when you initially see someone and feel a type of way. That attraction you get to them, that reaction, that part of you that is drawn to them in that instant of first [or subsequent] contact… that’s chemistry.
It’s sort of unfounded; or at its best, based on things like looks, how they talk and their swag and vibes and your physical reaction to them. It’s like a surface thing, the feeling of being drawn to someone based on an initial appraisal, nothing deep yet… just feeling someone from a ‘distance’, without having known so much of their habits, opinions and perspectives on life, their values and all that stuff.
What compatibility stands for in relationships is to help you know whether that attraction is worth pursuing, if it is something you want to dwell on and act on, or if you should just discard it and forget it and move on with your life.
While chemistry draws you to someone, compatibility is ultimately what determines if you should stay with them or not.
“For the most part, if you want to know the difference between having chemistry with someone vs. knowing that there is a surefire connection, chemistry is what starts a bond while compatibility is what establishes it and keeps it going,” according to xoNecole.
So which is more important?
Because relationships are comprised of many important things, it is difficult to cancel out any of these things. Chemistry might sound like a lesser need because it is based on the surface things and we have been conditioned to seek depth and look inwards rather than outwards… but that rule doesn’t really apply that much here.
Yes, depth is good but here, the surface counts too. You can’t go into a relationship or even a marriage with someone only because you value their minds and the thoughts that come out of it; you can’t also go into it because your values and theirs align… that physical attraction is also important and very necessary. The sexual spark, being drawn to your partner and finding them attractive in both a looks sense and sexual manner… it’s all important. One can’t be thrown out in favour of the other.
Where you find chemistry without compatibility, don’t expect much from it. And where compatibility exists without chemistry, there’s just as much to be bothered and worried about.