Children are a clean slate when they first arrive in the world. And there are all too happy to absorb as much information as they can. You can even see some children mimicking something you thought you did behind their backs. However, you can't see it right away in other children. They take their sweet time to process your behaviour. Parents want to raise well-behaved children. But, what role does the behaviour of a parent play in raising a child who is well behaved?
Is A Well Behaved Child A Product Of Well Behaved Parents?
Lisa Nalven, M.D., a developmental and behavioural paediatrician at the Valley Center for Child Development, in Ridgewood, New Jersey took some time to explain this. “Imitation is vital to the development of abilities ranging from language to social skills,” she explains.
Nevertheless, this doesn't mean you should completely forget talking to your kids about acceptable behaviour and holding them responsible when they misbehave. In Nigeria, the parenting style prevalent here is mostly the “Do as I say” kind of parenting, not “Do as I do”. Parents expect their kids to follow their words to the letter, prompting severe punishment when they don't. Some Nigerian parents may not bother to model anything at all.
However, it is a bit unrealistic to expect parents to act exactly how they want their kids to behave all the time. But there are some major behaviours around which you know your children's life might revolve. Those are the ones you should strive to model to the best of your ability. But where you fall short, especially with vices like alcohol and cigarettes, you can come clean about it.
How Do You Raise Your Child To Behave Properly?
Alan Kazdin and Carlo Rotella wrote for Slate, say something like, “Yes, I smoke, but you’re not allowed to. It is not simply hypocrisy, especially if you follow up with something like, ‘I made a bad decision when I started, I realize it’s not good for me, and I’m trying to quit. You’ll never have to face this problem if you never start.’ Also, for many behaviours, children ought to wait until the appropriate age. So it’s not inconsistent to say, ‘Do as I say’ (no makeup, violent video games, staying out late, owning a car) ‘and not as I do’ (all of those) but with an added phrase such as ‘until you are older,’ ‘until you can pay for it with your own money,’ or ‘until you can take care of yourself.’”
You must model behaviour you would love to see your child emulate. Children are most likely to do what they observe than what they are told. While parents always wish for obedient children, you should have in mind that it is indeed a practical journey.
Read also: What 70-Year Study Reveals About Raising Successful Children
