"My husband dey find mouth totori just a week after my miscarriage..."
This man na very insensitive husband o! After only one week wey the wife belle spoil, e dey disturb am for mouth totori. Una see am so?
Miscarriage na one of dem very hash blow wey fit hit mama wey dey expect pikin. From de fact sey you know sey you dey grow life inside you, to de pain wey dey come wen you don know sey dat life no dey again — miscarriage dey affect woman for different kain level. De tin dey affect her for body and her mind and emotion. Without doubt, de last tin wey you go wan deal with na insensitive husband after miscarriage.
After she don lose her unborn baby, one mama just never feel ready to dey intimate with her partner. But her horny and insensitive husband nor just fit understand, or wait, and im put pressure on top her make she give am oral sex.
De mama wey don born one before come go one popular online forum for dem UK to go gada opinion for other fellow mama.
Na just one week after she get miscarriage, and base on understanding, dis mama don lose her sex drive and nor dey “feel sexy at all”. According to report, no be only dat be de first time wey she go get miscarriage.
But her husband wey nor fit understand wetin she dey go through continue to dey ask for BJ, sometin wey she never ready to do. She even write sey she dey unreasonable as she nor dey reason to give sex.
No doubt, de situation of dis mama bring plenty attention from fellow dem other mama for de platform — de tin shock dem, dem dey vex for de husband while dem show pity for de woman.
One mama write sey:
-Chai, so you dey grieve for your loss and him dey pushing for sex? Tell him make him f*** off-
Another mama add join am:
-Sorry for your loss. E surprise me sey your partner fit dey put pressure on top you like dis, especially wen e be sey na just a week after your miscarriage. Best way to take describe dis na to sey him dey insensitive and worst way to talk am na to sey him dey abusive-
De third person add sey e clear sey de husband dey display zero empathy for de wife situation. She talk sey any person wey dey reason with him brain suppose understand sey na very difficult time de woman dey.
-Nor be person wey you wan dey inside relationship with be dis one – him no go dey dere for you wen you need am most-
E nor stop other mama dem to express dem vexation on top de man’s action
-Him sound like a k**b” and talk sey im dey act “so so grim and inappropriate-
-I reason sey him no dey think wella for am to ask so soon, and she suppose don take no as answer straight away make im no joke about am ‘a joke’ – wetin fit really dey funny so soon after dat kain sad loss anyway?
-I go dey question am whether him really understand how you feel about your loss-
One mama step in and try reason different as per de mama insensitive husband after miscarriage. She reason as:
-If him dey normally wonderful, probably him just dey insensitive, but explain how you feel and say you need be de one wey go initiate wen de time feel right for you-
But mama, dere fit be other reason for why your spouse appear like sey dem dey insensitive.
Your husband fit nor react to de miscarriage de same way as dem males no dey really get emotional attachment to de belle wey dem wives dey carry for de early months.
Sometimes, couples fit dey experience conflict after miscarriage or after loss because husbands nor dey grieve de same way,” according to Dr. Lori A. Carrillo, one expert and Obstetrics and Gynecology doctor, as told to EmpowHER.
E fit be sey de grieve of de miscarriage fit dey hook you, your spouse fit dey feel am too, e fit be just different level.
Dem even fit act like sey dem nor dey involved or dem fit feel detached but e fit be safety, for fear sey sometin fit happen and dem gat to stay strong for dem wives.
When e don come to your sex life after your miscarriage, you fit nor feel “physically ready”, see am as “a frightening reminder of the loss” or view desire for sex as “wrong or unfeeling”. But on de other hand, your spouse fit find lovemaking as source of comfort and closeness” as way to take cope with de loss.
Men, as you don know, generally “want mend thing”, de only tin be sey e take a lot more when pikin dey involved. Dem go dey grieve silently with more activity.
Time and patience dey very important. De key wey dey here na to talk to each other and realize sey both of una get different ways of expressing and dealing with feelings.
- Nor take everything upon yourself. Share whatever concerns wey you get with your partner, no matter how small e be. Never tink sey you don turn burden.
- Select someone to reveal de news for you
- Speak about de loss only when you don ready
- Take lots of rest, you merit am
- Ask for wetin you need to helep you heal, even if na just listening ear
Husbands, remember dese do’s and don’ts if your wife get miscarriageDo’s
- Engage for oda activities, whether na part of doing charity work or even revisit a favourite hobby
- Acknowledge her loss (e dey important to come from a genuine place).
- Listen and allow her make she grieve. Give her de necessary space to do dis but let her know sey you dey for her too.
- Express and share your own feelings about de pikin wey una lose — all join part of de healing process. De more you take open to your partner, de better. E dey work for both way.
- Encourage her make she connect with dem fellow women wey get miscarriage experiences. Support system fit dey wey go allow her to feel more understood.
- Offer practical support (little gifts and small gestures like picking up her favourite sweet treat fit help)
- Nor dey judge wen e come to her moods
- Listen to your partner and dey actively present for her life even if she nor be herself
- Make her feel loved and secure for dis kain time time
- Nor change de subject if she would like to discuss de miscarriage
- Nor pressure her to doing anytin she dey uncomfortable with. Look for de signs. If you nor fit figure am out, probe gently, but nor force her into anytin
- Avoid blaming and unsolicited advice (and avoid cliche comments)
- Recognise sey time limit nor dey for grief. Nor rush her to get over am.
Mums, if you been dey try to conceive for a long time especially, de blow from losing your pikin fit be very intense and all-encompassing. Having your spouse’s support and understanding to tide de both of you through dis period dey crucial. You need time and space to adjust.
Especially when you dey deal with insensitive husband after miscarriage, whether or not know sey to speak out dey OK.