How To Tell If You Are A Narcissistic Mother.

How To Tell If You Are A Narcissistic Mother.

If you were brought up by a narcissistic mum, there's a big chance that you might have noticed the following symptoms

Narcissistic mother symptoms can be full-blown and sometimes subtle that it is hard to spot. A mum is mostly seen as a lover, caregiver, and nurturer. Chances are if a mum embodies all those qualities bringing a child up, then it is even harder to spot. The symptoms mask themselves in acts of love and caregiving.


Sometimes, mothers don't always start out looking to be narcissistic. Before the child arrives, she may have acquired the image of the neighbourhood virtuous woman, a lover of God and all things heavenly, the blue nose headmistress to whom other parents feel free to entrust with their own children.


Consequently, to preserve her own image at all cost, when she finally gives birth the child is born right into a preconceived notion of what life must be. She is always looking to make the child into a younger version of herself. And what makes narcissism dangerous is that the narcissists almost always believe they are doing what the right thing.


Seven narcissistic mother symptoms

seven signs of narcissistic mothers

If you were brought up by a narcissistic mum, there's a big chance that you might have noticed the following symptoms.


  • She is always right


A lot of Nigerians adults will have a thing or two to say about this one. They might tell you that the sky will fall before she admits that she is wrong. Did her rice overcook? It's your fault for not being there to bring her attention to it. Did her stylist mess up her hair? Oh, it's your fault. Why didn't you learn to be a stylist? Did she stumble against a stone? Why weren't you proactive enough to remove the stone?


  • She is a control freak


She is your mother, your alpha and omega, and so you don't dare have a say. She tells you to jump, you have only to ask how high. Sometimes, her method of operation here can be subtle. She uses the art of emotional blackmail or underhanded threats to get you to do her bidding. You may even end up not having a say in the course you study in the university.


  • It is always about her

narcissistic mother symptoms

Every conversation you attempt to have with her turns on its head and becomes about her. You may be trying to tell a narcissistic mother about a girlfriend who hurt you or a bullying problem or struggle with a particular subject in school. She will suddenly turn it to one of those “When I was your age” conversations about her brilliance, her mental strength and no-nonsense attitude.


  • She cares too much about what others think


To a degree, most of us probably care about what others think of us. But a narcissistic mother's is on a whole new level. What others might think is what drives her every thought and action at home and in all your lives. She is constantly fussing over every little thing you do that threatens to spoil people's image of her. In addition, it will begin to feel like your lives are controlled by everybody in the neighbourhood.


  • They constantly remind everyone of their sacrifices


Immediately she steps through the door, the atmosphere changes. It becomes charged with all the things she is doing for you all. At every turn she reminds you and it doesn't stop there. She might even announce it at the women's meeting for other women to see how much she is doing.


  • She is ever the critique who can't take any herself


She is so eagle-eyed no fault of others escapes her gaze. And she makes a point of pointing them out every time. But criticise a narcissistic mother as her child and you have a full-blown problem on your hands. She considers it a disrespect. You will be lucky if she doesn't summon a meeting of aunties to tell them just how much you've managed to disrespect her with the same mouth she gave birth to.


  • Her love is a tool


    For her, love is a tool with which she can reward and punish her children. This kind of mothers know that their children pine for their affection so they wield it to their own advantage. When their kids fall short, they withdraw their love. In addition, their public display of affection with their kids is usually to make themselves look good.


Growing up in a home with a mother who is narcissistic can have far-reaching effects on the kids even as adults. The children pine so much for their mother's love and approval that they are ready to take whatever crumbs they get. Plus, they go through hoops to get it including shrinking themselves, walking on eggshells around their mother.


Read also: 7 characteristics of toxic parents you should avoid at all costs


Written by

Lydia Ume