Things to ask your new partner about their past relationships
The euphoria of falling in love can make you forget to ask your brand new partner some important questions. The beginning of a relationship is when you have butterflies in your stomach and rose coloured glasses that make you see the word in a beautiful, false rosy haze.
However, before things get any deeper between you two, there are things you need to ask your new partner to ascertain if they right for you. There’s a saying that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, and so these questions can save you from heartache down the road.
To get to know how they’ll act in the relationship with you, ask about their exes!
Some ex-related questions that may save you from heartbreak in the future
1. Was there cheating in their last relationship?
The cheating question is hard, but you need to know. Ask them if they cheated in their last relationship. Also ask if they were cheated on. If they do admit that they cheated, you can either leave if that is a deal-breaker for you or stay if they’ve actually worked on staying faithful in relationships.
If their ex was the one who stepped out on them, then you need to talk about trust. You don’t want your new partner to start your relationship with leftover trust issues.
2. Talk about how their past relationships ended
The Yorubas have a saying that the whip that was used to flog the first wife is waiting for the second wife. You can tell a lot about a person’s character by the way they end their relationships.
Was there resentment in their last relationship?
Was it an amicable split or was it so sour that they both can’t walk the same street without having to be restrained from throwing punches?
Do they say hurtful things about their ex?
This question will help you gauge their conflict resolution skills and how they act during arguments.
3. What led to disagreements in their past relationships?
Before they answer this question, you might want to note and process all the answers they’ll give. This question will reveal their level of pettiness. A person’s anger threshold is best seen in the things that they get angry about.
Once they have listed the things they disagreed about in the past relationship, you can then judge if they are the type to fly off the handle over the smallest issues.
4. Are their exes still in the picture?
It is important to know their status with their exes before you dive into a relationship with them. After all, there’s something called Okafor’s Law, and you wouldn’t want to get a surprise down the line.
Has their ex moved on? Have they gotten over the relationship with the ex? Are they still communicating? Is their ex married or in a new relationship?
Exes rekindle old romances all the time, so you need to be sure there’s no chance of your partner leaving you to run back to an old flame.
As mentioned earlier, looking at the past is the best way to predict the future. Before the butterflies in your stomach multiply, you need to sit down with your potential new partner and resurrect the past.
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