The pain of losing a child can unlock an intense feeling of loss and pain. Most times, the grieving parents would have never experienced that kind of loss before. Everything will remind them of the child they’d lost, be it the personal effects the child had left behind or something as simple as seeing other parents playing with their children.
In Kanze Dena’s case, the pain will forever remain evergreen. She recently opened up about the pain of losing a child when she lost her first child Natasha.
Natasha’s birth
Before she became a popular TV anchor, Kanze Dena worked as a waitress while studying to become a media personality. According to her, she got pregnant for her then-boyfriend, but he abandoned her when she broke the news to him. Her only option was to have the baby and then give her out for adoption since she couldn’t take care of a child at that point in her life.
She carried the pregnancy to term. Her mom only heard about the birth and delivery a day after the baby was born. Her mother discouraged her from giving up the child for adoption as she had previously planned. She kept her baby and named her Natasha.
Her mother took care of the child in Mombasa, allowing Kanze to continue with her studies in Nairobi. Having this firm support allowed her to still pursue her dreams despite recently becoming a single mom.
The pain of losing a child: baby Natasha’s death
Three months after Natasha’s death, Kanze Dena received news so shocking that she hasn’t been able to recover fully. She was planning to return home to Mombasa to reunite with her baby when she received the information that she was needed at home urgently.
When she travelled home, she met a crowd in front of her mother’s house. She rushed inside to hear the tragic news that her baby had died the night before. The baby wasn’t sick when she died in her grandmother’s arms.
Her response to the tragedy
Understandably, Kanze Dena said her relationship with God took a hit after this event. She began to question Him about the whole thing. Like, why would God give her a baby, know her struggles and subsequent decision to keep the pregnancy and then suddenly take the same child from her? She contemplated suicide as a way out of her misery.
The pain of losing a child also affected her relationship with her mother.
Losing her mum
Her mum died not long after she joined Citizen TV. The fact that her mum had been struggling with colon cancer for a while did not lessen the pain of that loss.
Kenza says she was depressed for a year and contemplated suicide many times during the mourning process. Her mom’s death triggered the same suicidal thoughts she had battled with when her daughter died.
She also questioned God again. Her relationship with her mother was better than ever at that point, so why would He take her away just like He had taken baby Natasha?
The tears that rolled down Kenza Dena’s cheeks as she recounted the story show that the pain of losing a child is still fresh in her heart after all these years.
While trying to get over her series of devastating loses, Kenza Dena befriended Nasril, a woman who was more of a sister than a friend. Nasril helped her get back on her feet again, and Kenza Dena acknowledges the woman’s part in pulling her out of depression.
Unfortunately, she also lost Nasril to cancer. This made her go through a period of believing she was cursed.
How to deal with the pain of losing a child
According to The Guardian, the death of a child can bring such an intense pain that the parents could begin to wonder if they’d ever feel whole again. Usually, the pain comes with the realization that the parents have outlived their child, and this could feel very unnatural.
Parents usually go through many stages of grief to include shock, denial, yearning, confusion, powerlessness, anger, guilt, and hopelessness. Most marriages begin to crumble when a child dies.
Is it possible to overcome the pain?
No, it isn’t possible to totally forget that it happened. However, parents can follow the steps below, but this isn’t a guarantee that they’ll ever get over the pain of losing a child.
• Embrace your guilt
You are not perfect. In fact, there is no perfect parent in the world. You must accept this in order to move on from the guilt.
• Think about the positives
Parents can cope with the loss of a child when they choose to remember the happy memories.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Grief can take away the desire to do many things. Asking family and friends for help is the right way to go if the pain becomes overwhelming.
When a child dies, their parents could end up feeling like they had died, too. This experience is life-changing, but you can make a commitment to yourself to continue living.
Resources:
The Guardian
Healgrief.org
Also Read: How to cope with a spouse’s death
