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How To Cultivate A Secure Attachment With Your Child

5 min read
How To Cultivate A Secure Attachment With Your ChildHow To Cultivate A Secure Attachment With Your Child

This article highlights five ways to create and develop a secure attachment in infants and what the benefits are in sharing secure attachment with your baby.

These days, most mamas have heard of the concept of “attachment parenting.” And many are enthusiastically embracing this warm-hearted philosophy. Attachment parenting promotes the idea that you, as a mum and primary caregiver, can build a strong bond with your baby. You do this by maintaining closeness and relying on your intuition to respond to baby’s needs.

The Benefits Of Secure Attachment In Babies

secure attachment in infants

A healthy bond between you and your baby is related to countless positive outcomes for your baby. It includes later academic achievements, mental health, self-esteem and romantic outcomes as an adult. At the heart of attachment parenting is one of the most enduring theories in developmental psychology: attachment theory.

Attachment theory

According to attachment theory, almost all infants develop an attachment to their primary caregiver during their first year. The type of attachment your baby develops will greatly depend on daily interactions between you and baby, and range from the secure to the insecure.

Best strategies for cultivating secure attachment in your baby

secure attachment in infants

According to a slew of studies on infant attachment, these are the best strategies for bringing up a secure baby.

Be sensitive to baby’s needs

This is the most important determinant of secure attachment. Try to read baby’s signals accurately and respond quickly as often as you can. This is not always easy, especially before baby learns how to effectively communicate. If the answer is not obvious, try to put yourself in baby’s tiny shoes. If something bothers you, it is likely to bother your little one, too! Trying to decipher baby’s cries can quickly become an exercise in frustration, but a little—er, a lot of—practice will have you reading baby’s mind in no time!

Follow your baby’s interests

How To Cultivate A Secure Attachment With Your Child

It’s important to engage in positive exchanges with baby in which you both attend to the same thing. For instance, if baby wants to play peek-a-boo repeatedly, try to make it fun even though repetitive. 

This indicates to baby that you want to be involved in the activities they find interesting. It also makes for a less frustrating experience than trying unsuccessfully to redirect their attention to a different activity. Plus, there’s no better way to bond than laughing together over activities you both find fun!

Be in sync with each other

When engaging in back-and-forth activities, notice baby’s changing needs as the interaction progresses. In order to maintain a mutually rewarding interaction with baby, you will need to adapt to the changing situation with baby.

Tickling is a great example. Try to be in tune with baby’s enjoyment of being tickled. What can begin as a hilarious way to entertain baby and yourself can quickly become intrusive if baby grows overstimulated by the activity.

Bring on the positive

secure attachment in infants

So, you didn’t get any sleep for the third night in a row. Your left eye is twitching and the coffee is still brewing. Baby is demanding a second breakfast because the oats and banana you painstakingly crafted is on the floor. It can be tough to keep your cool in situations like this.

But before you blow a gasket, fake it ‘til you make it! Take a deep breath, smile, and address baby with a positive attitude. Expressing positive emotions to baby instills confidence that you are happy taking care of their needs and will always be around to do so.

Offer a variety of stimulation

secure attachment in infants

Stimulate baby using the “ABC’s” of child development.

A is for affect

Elicit positive affect with giggle-inducing activities such as bear hugs, blowing raspberries, or making silly sounds.

B is for behaviour

Stimulate baby’s behaviour with physical activities such as splish-splashing in the pool or tub, or running amok at the playground.

C is for cognition

Challenge baby’s cognition with thinking activities, such as reading a book, experimenting with sidewalk chalk, or singing a round of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

Just remember to pay attention to baby’s cues. Don’t force your little one to participate if they aren’t feeling up to the task. If the playground swing is a little too daunting, try the slide instead. If little one isn’t in the mood to linger in the bathtub, bring on story time.

Provide emotional support

How To Cultivate A Secure Attachment With Your Child

Be attentive to baby’s emotions and support his efforts to express himself. If he is trying to communicate his feelings (typically through laughing, screaming or crying), don’t downplay their feelings. Let baby know that you understand why he feels that way.

For instance, if baby takes a spill, wait for baby’s emotional reaction and respond accordingly. If little one is really upset, don’t hold back the hugs, cuddles and sympathy that will help your tot to bounce back.

Most importantly, provide a secure base from which your tiny tot feels safe to explore. If baby looks cautious before joining friends at a playdate, make it known that you are nearby and it’s okay to boogie down with those buddies!

Know it’s a lifelong process

How To Cultivate A Secure Attachment With Your Child

Just remember, maintaining secure attachment between you and your child is a lifelong process that doesn’t end when your little one outgrows teddy bears and training wheels. Here’s to hoping for many blissful shared moments between you and your little love!

Resource: Secure Attachment

Also read: How to Bond With Your Stepchildren And Build A Great Blended Family

Got a parenting concern? Read articles or ask away and get instant answers on our app. Download theAsianparent Community on iOS or Android now!

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AyeeSha

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