10 Hilarious Signs Your Mother Is Truly Nigerian
Growing up with Nigerian mothers is an adventure filled with laughter. These hilarious signs will prove if your mother is truly Nigerian.
Nigerian mothers are iconic. We often wonder if there’s a secret school they all attended. In this (non) imaginary school, they were taught how to carry out the most creative punishments. This telltale signs will help you know if your mother is truly Nigerian.
10 Signs to know if your mother is truly Nigerian
1. She is highly skilled in eye language.
Nigerian mothers are exceptionally skilled in passing messages across using their eyes. One wink, go inside. 2 winks, don’t collect that money. A dead stare, I’m going to wipe your buttocks later.
2. Her Dunlop slippers is a trusted tool to correct your head.
For an effective whooping, the Nigerian mother trusts her Dunlop slippers to never fail her. There are other acceptable instruments for correcting your head like brooms, books, cane, koboko and so on. However, they might be too far away. And really, that whooping can’t wait.
3. Her advice sessions are like slow music that slowly builds into a shouting marathon.
After you have committed a grievous sin like forgetting to wash your socks or something equally unforgivable like washing the plates by 2 pm instead of 3 pm. A Nigerian mother might choose to call you into her sacred room, with the intention of advising you. But, because you really tested her with your bad behaviour, it would dial-up to a shouting marathon.
4. Her hands are actually a high tech device designed with inbuilt coolers
They can pick up a hot pot very easily without flinching or getting burnt. That is probably why they call Millenials the Indomie generation. Okay, maybe we should call them the Unburnt generation?
5. As long as she gave birth to you, you have forfeited all rights to any money that enters her hand.
Once upon a time, a child went to her Nigerian mother. “Mum, can I get back the money I gave you during the holidays? The one Uncle Emeka gave me and you said you would help me save it.” And the wise Nigerian mother replied “How much have you paid me for all my food you ate this holiday? Have you paid me for the pain I suffered while giving birth to you? What do you need money for? You have joined bad gang abi?” The child borrowed sense and left her alone.
6. Every illness is connected to how much time you spend on your phone
Nigerian mothers really hate to see you doing nothing. But, they hate seeing you giggling to yourself while typing on your phone. Therefore, they strongly believe that the pressing phone virus is connected to all your illnesses. “Mummy, my head hurts” “why won’t you have malaria when you are always pressing your phone, pim pim pim”
7. She has a box of wrappers that is your only part of your inheritance.
Nigerian mothers cherish their wrappers so much. They always have a box saved which would be handed over to you either when you get married or gifted during your next owambé.
8. She would call you to give her the remote by her side. The farther you are, the better.
I believe this is part of the Nigerian constitution and a rite of passage. You must leave your room to where she is and hand over an object that is right beside her.
9. She raises you to face your bullies.
If you come home crying. Your Nigerian mum would send you back to face your bullies. In fact, she might add to the beating you received before sending you back. The bullies will hardly be a match to the anger you return with. Nigerian mothers believe that they are the only ones with the right to beat you. Family feuds have started just for beating a child without permission from the mother.
10. She apologizes to you with a delicious meal.
A Nigerian mother is rarely at fault. But, on some occasions when she has crossed the line, she has a special of apologizing. Since they hardly say I am sorry, they would stuff you with a delicious meal. A meal so tasty it would wipe your memory of her offense.
We cannot deny the love and strength of Nigerian mothers, they make our lives more colourful and adventurous.
What is your mum’s score on the list? Which of the true signs of a Nigerian mother did we miss?